More than just a once-pretty face.

I hope you’re all enjoying the fine spring weather, April showers, budding daffodils, the first rays of warm sunshine after winter, and above all, I hope you have effectively hurricane-proofed your home and stocked up on canned foods and tea lights.  Jeezus Murphy!

I’m available 7 days a week just about any time you’d like to book between 9 AM and 10 PM — and even outside those times if you book in advance or at least give me decent notice.

Don’t forget:

  • Text is best
  • Email is not always effective on the same day but I’ll try
  • Feel free to call me but I don’t use voicemail so DO NOT LEAVE A VOICE MESSAGE because no one will hear it. If I don’t answer, Text instead.
  • It may take me 90 minutes to two hours to get back to you if I’m with a client when you reach out
  • I have » packages that will save you tons of $, with no annoying rules or restrictive timeframes, just what we work out together with your schedule in mind
  • have a gander at my » Terms of Service — if you use this site or book my services, they apply.  These set out what we should expect from each other and they promote clear communications and mutual respect.

~
WEB-revised-coverlulu-b» My e-book is available on iTunes! 
Which bodes well for Amazon, Kobo, etc.

My book is just as quirky, startling, hilarious, unnecessary, snarky, sarcastic, sexy, occasionally serious and just plain silly as am I. 

In fact, if you can’t have me open on your lap, my e-book is the very next best thing!
Here’s what I have to say about it:

For over four years, David Roddis — the extremely grey

eminence behind slowpainful dot com — has been regaling delighted readers with his tales of Toronto life (featuring not-so-genteel poverty and a continually changing cast of dubious roommates), his trenchant commentaries on American and Canadian politics, and his startling alter egos, including Big Gay Pope and The Princess of Happy.
       Now you can finally stop pulling that desktop computer around on a luggage trolley and enjoy all your favorites from “A Slow, Painful Death Would Be Too Good For You (and Other Observations)” revised and expanded beyond recognition and gathered together in handy e-book form.
       There’s also brand new work, and, to garnish this boffo buffet, David’s uniquely “artistic” photo-illustrations. 


With over 200 pages of smart-alecky fun, this “pillow book for dyspeptics” is perfect for laugh marathons or just dipping into at your leisure:

Think “Quality Street”, but without your dog
staring at you as you unwrap the cellophane.*

   ”

COMING SOON:

The paperback version is scheduled to launch on May 1st.

One hundred signed copies available…
Thousands of distraught, desperate, screaming fans…

This could get ugly.


* The book is in ePUB format, which is the native format for Kobo.
If you have Microsoft 10, then Edge Browser opens it perfectly.  If you don’t,
» download Calibre, a free, open-source e-reader for your computer that opens
all e-formats as well as PDF’s.
If you’re an Apple kinda guy, then you can open it in iBooks on your Mac or iOS device.

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